Life gets complicated enough for most people and then there are the harassment issues that create life challenges that can change the course of everything you hold dear.
Your career, your partnership with friends and love ones, your values...
If you have ever been harassed verbally or physically, you know how it effects you personally.
Now, when I was a young woman, I was verbally harassed many times but there were only several times that I couldn't handle the situation and had to do whatever I could to get out of the situation (mostly lie gracefully and exit quickly).
But let me tell you my story that affected my budding career and the way I look at the world.
My hope for you is that you do not have a story of physical or verbal abuse that affected you in very personal ways. But if you do, it would be most appreciated if you would share it here and release it into the world so that we have a collection of stories that paint a picture of what abusers look like.
My Story of Sexual Harassment
It was the beginning of the second chapter of my life choices and the road's twists and turns.
My children were both in school, with my daughter just entering kindergarten. My passion all my life was art but I went to business school after graduating from high school because art was looked upon as a non-paying job. So until my kids were in school, finance was the field I was in because I was always good with numbers.
So, with some freedom and a little bit of extra time, I went back to college to get an art education.
It was not easy shuffling schedules each semester and prolonging what should have taken several years into four years to get my degree. Because I worked part time and had all the house chores of being a wife and mother, it was with great pleasure and pride when graduation day came and I excelled with awards and an eagerness to get on with my new career.
I bet you know my feeling...out there finally, ready to get my first job in the work that I was passionate about.
Graphic design was how I had to start in order to make a living while I submitted my portfolio to get some illustration assignments and found the time to continue to create my fine art paintings.
You all know the female thing, and it is especially hard for women in the arts to be represented equally in that field.
But I found a graphic design job with a company that designed church bulletins. Yeah, right, of all places to get sexually harassed! But it was a start and I was eager to get some experience and move on.
I worked diligently, day after day, at my computer trying to create a little excitement and spirit in each bulletin.
Most of the other employees were single and younger so we really didn't have much in common but it was fun to be a part of the team. The manager was a JERK but I didn't have many dealings with him until one day he called me in his office and offered me the job of assistant manager. His other female assistant manager had left abruptly and he needed my answer asap.
Like I mentioned above, I didn't have much in common with the other underlings so I wasn't privy to the company gossip.
Apparently this manager had gone through many female assistants and had ruined all of their marriages. Some lost custody of their children. When the manager made his advances to me, I refused. Suddenly, I was not included in meetings and all the decisions that take place for me to do my job.
It wasn't long before I had to quit. The JERK made it impossible for me to do my job.
I wrote up my 3 week resignation letter and gave it to him. Two weeks later, and because I hadn't heard from the main office located in another state, I called up their HR department and asked them about some questions I had about my last paycheck, etc. They did not know I was leaving because he had never handed in my letter. They immediately flew someone down to our office the next day for an exit interview.
The interviewer guy took me outside at a picnic table and wanted to know why I was leaving.
While I didn't go into a lot of details, I got the feeling that he had a good idea already about the circumstances of why I was leaving. And he had heard it before from the other females because he asked me if I was going to be pressing sexual harassment charges. Actually, thinking back to our conversation, that was what he was most interested in knowing.
Here was my dilemma...
Did I want to press charges and not be able to win in court because these cases were never winners in court in those days. And ruin my career as it was just getting started because it would be known why I left my job. At that time, most art directors and managers were men. You get the gist. I was not going to ruin my career over this JERK. So I didn't tell anyone why I left my job. Even my husband...because I knew he would go and confront the JERK and I just wanted to get away clean.
You see, the JERK would have won no matter what I did.
He kept his job through all those females and their ruined lives. I wouldn't have had much of a chance in court in those days, even up to a few years ago. So I would have ruined my career just as it was getting started at his expense just for saying NO. And that would have given him a win of ruining my career for saying NO. And he would have stimulated some family trouble.
I went out and found another graphic design job and went on with my career
making strides for my illustration and fine art. And finally I was able to drop creating graphic design and just focus on my painting and illustration.
It was brutal, and in most cases still is, for women who have been harassed.
They are the ones who were forced to live with it and not create problems or the result was to get punished again for being a victim. I hope those days are coming to a close but that is an unrealistic dream.
There will always be harassers and people who will get harassed.
What we have to change is how society views the problem and what can be done to keep it at a minimum. And the most important point is to believe the person that is a victim of this crime. I call it out now for what it is without really caring if the offender takes offense. And it is a category of figurative painting that I create to give voice to the issues that plague women. Women's issues are important to me as a person and a creative because I have experienced most of them in my lifetime.
My story now has been told but only to a few people up to this point.
Now anyone who reads this post will know my story. I even told my husband several years later, once it was too late for him to react in his manly way. It is very cathartic to release it to the world. Your story is yours to tell and I would love to hear it if you are ready to share. If you want to share it privately, you can email me. Let it go into the atmosphere!
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